From the moment I set eyes on her, I knew she was trouble. But I also knew that I would not be able to resist her charms. It was 2002, I was going through the not so mid life crisis of 'i don't know what i'm doing with my life'. In a bold move, I decided to take a year off from my life to take a few steps back and go back to school. But in the tradition of being a desi, not just any school or course, I went for the grand prize, the Masters.
This woman was unlike anyone I had ever seen before. So bold, determined and out there!
She stood with her waist length blonde hair, carefully placing a cigarette to her lip glossed mouth and inhaling that nicotine like it was the last breath of clean area on earth. She wore the tiniest of tiny tops and tightest of tight jeans that I had ever seen on an volumptuous woman. She had hips, bits and a bust that were strategically placed for all to see. Every part of her screamed out 'i am woman here i come'. She would strut(that's right strut in her 10 inches heels) across campus with a small fan club of young Indian men following her every move. Her name was Pinky*. She was the first Indian woman that I ever met, who embraced and celebrated her gender, beauty and every asset with passion.
Like the bollywood movement that has influenced the youth in India, she was the new wealthy highly educated(with her first degree from London-of course!) and label obssessed generation. Although she was bright, her only focus in life seemed to be finding the 'rich**' husband. There would be endless parties and plans to go to the 'latest and trendy' places where she could sit at the bar, smoke her endless supply of cigarettes and 'sigh' at her glass of red wine. She would complain about her lack of prospects (conveniently neglecting to mention the two men she was dating at the time- Shane and Vikram) and her love for hip n happening-London. Her heart and soul ached for the pace of big bad international city and the celebrity party lifestyle.
Towards the end of our course, everything can to an screeching hault. Vikram and Shane found out about each other and Pinky went underground. Well, not so much underground, stayed locked in at her Docklands apartment painting her nails as she received angry messages from her lovers. There's a saying that 'good things can come from bad experiences', for Pinky, it was a marriage proposal from Vikram.
Eights years later, Vikram and Pinky are happily married and live in London. They travel the world and are regulars on the London 'party' scene.
* Yes it's her real name
** Anyone with citizenship and a job over $100k
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The black sheep
There's always a black sheep in every family. You know, the standout 'perfect' daughter or the one child that hides away smoking a ciggie round the back of the house. But over the week-end, I was reminded of another long forgotten person. Samira* was the desi aunty who was outside the square of the normal 'desi' conventions. Although she would look the part, having a successful career with a large home and mercedes in the driveway, it was not enough.
No matter what Samira* did, the divorce would haunt her. In those days**, divorce was taboo and she was considered to be tainted. She never remarried, partly, I think because her generation didn't do that and also, because Samira was responsible for her children. But deep down, I know she was a party girl and the fact that she was attractive didn't seem to throw off any suitors. Over the years, I would catch her in 'tender' moments with her usually 'married' lovers(yes I was always in the wrong place and time) or save her from falling down the stairs after one too many drinks. There were rumours and endless discussions about her who, what and where Samira was sighted.
At the time, I used to find all this slightly amusing, but now, I see she was lonely and probably needed company. In reality, Samira was a single mother, who didn't have much to do on the week-ends(the kids would be with dad) and I guess, just did what other Australian Women did, go out and look for love. Maybe Samira didn't feel that she could date openly or felt that she had to be with a desi as a result ended up atttracting the wrong men who would boast about her. UNFORTUNATELY, it always seemed to be the sleazy uncles who still wore flared pants from the early 70s even though it was 1985. Today, although she has aged, Samira still manages to work the room. She reminded of the days when she was a hot topic***!
* Not her real name
** In the 80s
***Any gossip was considered 'hot' in the 80s
No matter what Samira* did, the divorce would haunt her. In those days**, divorce was taboo and she was considered to be tainted. She never remarried, partly, I think because her generation didn't do that and also, because Samira was responsible for her children. But deep down, I know she was a party girl and the fact that she was attractive didn't seem to throw off any suitors. Over the years, I would catch her in 'tender' moments with her usually 'married' lovers(yes I was always in the wrong place and time) or save her from falling down the stairs after one too many drinks. There were rumours and endless discussions about her who, what and where Samira was sighted.
At the time, I used to find all this slightly amusing, but now, I see she was lonely and probably needed company. In reality, Samira was a single mother, who didn't have much to do on the week-ends(the kids would be with dad) and I guess, just did what other Australian Women did, go out and look for love. Maybe Samira didn't feel that she could date openly or felt that she had to be with a desi as a result ended up atttracting the wrong men who would boast about her. UNFORTUNATELY, it always seemed to be the sleazy uncles who still wore flared pants from the early 70s even though it was 1985. Today, although she has aged, Samira still manages to work the room. She reminded of the days when she was a hot topic***!
* Not her real name
** In the 80s
***Any gossip was considered 'hot' in the 80s
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Colour Comp
Being the first generation Desi Australian teenager was a testing time. It's not an experience for the faint hearted. I have survived the wars and lived to write the 'colour' tales.
There was always competition between the teenage girls from which school they attended, what they wore, who had what and how. Most of the things related to materialist things like, clothing, records, shoes and then the size of the parents house and type of car. But there was one competition that out did that rest. If a person had a fair complexion, he/she was somehow 'better' and would be an 'automatic' winner. There would be converstions like, 'but it's ok for her she's fair' or 'she's so white'!
It was a very desi trait to judge a person by what they wear and the dismiss the people who were not 'worthy'. In the desi wives world, I've watched women size up a person to see if she's 'their' type and run their analysis of the newbee's class, education and family. One of the latest topics that keeps rearing it's ugly head, is a person's skin colour. I thought I had left all of this behind in high school! While the western world risks cancer from sun bathing, in the desi world women are coating themselves in 'Fair and lovely' face cream to whiten up! Yes, like in the Hindi films, all the heroines seem to be white! The most popular and desireables on tv, film or modelling are western looking and well, white.
We have a new member that's migrated, who comes from the darker majority of the sub-continent. The Newbee would be at parties working the room, trying hard to create a place in the Desi Wives World, placing herself in the middle of the action, not knowing, that the same women were commenting behind her back.
It's a behaviour that's at odds with our upbringing. In school we learn to tolerate and believe in equality. But when people openly ridicule the skin colour of others, I want to run away from all of them and hide under a rock! I've tried in vain to understand their reasons for this and the only conclusion I've come up with is that they need a 'hobby' and take up a game of tennis?
There was always competition between the teenage girls from which school they attended, what they wore, who had what and how. Most of the things related to materialist things like, clothing, records, shoes and then the size of the parents house and type of car. But there was one competition that out did that rest. If a person had a fair complexion, he/she was somehow 'better' and would be an 'automatic' winner. There would be converstions like, 'but it's ok for her she's fair' or 'she's so white'!
It was a very desi trait to judge a person by what they wear and the dismiss the people who were not 'worthy'. In the desi wives world, I've watched women size up a person to see if she's 'their' type and run their analysis of the newbee's class, education and family. One of the latest topics that keeps rearing it's ugly head, is a person's skin colour. I thought I had left all of this behind in high school! While the western world risks cancer from sun bathing, in the desi world women are coating themselves in 'Fair and lovely' face cream to whiten up! Yes, like in the Hindi films, all the heroines seem to be white! The most popular and desireables on tv, film or modelling are western looking and well, white.
We have a new member that's migrated, who comes from the darker majority of the sub-continent. The Newbee would be at parties working the room, trying hard to create a place in the Desi Wives World, placing herself in the middle of the action, not knowing, that the same women were commenting behind her back.
It's a behaviour that's at odds with our upbringing. In school we learn to tolerate and believe in equality. But when people openly ridicule the skin colour of others, I want to run away from all of them and hide under a rock! I've tried in vain to understand their reasons for this and the only conclusion I've come up with is that they need a 'hobby' and take up a game of tennis?
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