The Tuff Wives Club

It's interesting when people are forced into situations. For some, it's difficult, for others, who like a challenge, it's exciting. I didn't really know what to expect. Growing in Australia amongst people of different nationalities, religions and socio-economic backgrounds, a level of respect for all people is learnt and carried throughout life. I felt pretty confident as I embarked on the 'Desi' society as a newly married woman.

Looking back, I can see that I was naive and yet, somehow ambitious in my desire for light but stimulating conversations about world events or films and books discussions over a curry and naan. Coming from a society where friendships are developed and based upon mutual interests, respect and tolerance for others, little did I know, that my upbringing would provide very little support in the Desi Wives World. Who's really taught to attack and survive in a warzone? Soldiers! If you're Desi, it's housewives.

These 'Desi Wives' are a minority in the real world, people you can listen to at functions and then with a polite 'good-bye' ignore and move on. Unfortunately, these wives are the majority in the my world. There are the 'high school' graduates and then the 'educated', who happily live a warzone. Each group has one leader and the rest, are deemed as followers. The leaders have similar qualities, excelling in everything they do(i.e cooking), well developed social skills, have a cleaning fetish and surround themselves with as many people as possible. The main objective is to be competitive as possible and ensure that the weaker feel their wrath. As easily as one is accepted, they can be dumped.

So began the journey that I quickly abandoned. Being decisive, I knew that this group was well beyond my capacity, so I watched from afar as people joined, then as they were tossed aside, the lies, the comments and the snipes from cooking skills, upbringing of children, clothing and wealth just to name a few.

There's a difference in value systems, language barriers and experiences  between the Australian Born and 100% Desi. Because most of these interactions are required for the sake of the husband meeting his friends, the friendships are forced and unrealistic. I've been to loads of dinner parties where the women and men have been segregated. In the men's area, we can hear the laughter and happiness overflowing. In the ladies section, it's quiet with the occassional discussion about an Indian film(always a winner- the safe conversation). If you are confident and carefree happy to discuss anything and involve other people in conversation they shoot you down(behind your back of course).

How to move on from this? How much does a wife need to compromise? How many insults and snide comments can a person take? Should there be a warning label on a potential husband's head before marriage? 'Look Out, Danger Aussie Desi Gal'. I say yes........