Recently, I spent time in the motherland, Pakistan. The birth place of my parents and husband. The country is rich and cultures are diverse. Landscapes change as do the skin colours of it's people.
It's a land of contradiction, mansions line the same streets as the poor beg for money and food at traffic lights. Where pizza hut restaurants operate next door to a tiny makeshift food seller.
My life felt like a contradiction. I was an independent woman in Australia, but in Pakistan became a 'woman', a 'mother', a 'wife' and 'sister in-law'. Each of these labels different to the expectations and definitions in Australia.
It was normal for the men of the family to be incharge of decision making. All outings were carefully orchestrated with extended families. Family politics would play a part in everyday interations resulting in who I met and where I went.
This unnatural experience was a case of being seen and not heard. I have always controlled my own actions and interactions. In Australia, I can drive or catch public transport to meet my friends or family.To have this power taken away took alot of self-control and discipline. To hand this power over to a man that I had only met twice in my life, one who did not actually know me, was a step in 'behaving' like a typical Pakistani wife. Being this type of person was something that I had seen as a form of imprisonment. To have power and your voice taken away, is like being a member of the living dead. For a time, I felt like all the women in Pakistan who have to endure for the sake of their husbands. The ones who have a simialr structure to my inlaws, that the eldest brother who knows best. That he is given the title of having 'wisdom, experience and power'.
What about the women? The women who maintain households and raise the future generation. Are they given the same treatment? From what I saw, women were not taken seriously. Their views and opinions were 'aired' in private with little impact on the family 'master' plan.
Just another normal family in Pakistan? Or was it just my in-laws? Or was it just not being able to adjust to a structure that's different?
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