1980 Desi Aunty

Back in the 80s, as youngsters in the community we had a lot of respect for the 'desi aunties'. They were women we looked up to and held as important guides to our future. They were mothers and wives who had never-ending knowledge and a type of wisdom. They also seemed to be the ones who would catch you at the wrong place and time, always when you were wagging school, hanging out with a guy, lighting up a smoke or probably something even worse, wearing a short skirt! These were the women that your mother warned you about, that is 'what if you get seen coming out of maccas' or 'what if they find out about the birthday party at a licensed restaurant' etc. Your mother would claim in despair that she would be ruined, when in fact it was your reputation as a young unmarried woman that was really under threat.

It's interesting how now as adults we see these women for who they truly are. They were women who had migrated to Australia with their husbands, they set up house and became mothers. In their time, women didn't work outside the home even though they were educated. They raised their children and had alot of time to discuss others. These same women (I write this with amusement)were the ones who provided us with career advice! Always willing to put in their ten cents worth and yet, we took their opinions to heart instead of weighing whether or not, the advice was relevant or sound.

When I see the same women who are now elderly, I wonder if they have learnt their lesson, accepted the fact that their advice and opinions may have been hurtful and if they really understood what they were saying. They had so little life experience as independent working women, did they know? Do they know that we still remember the comments? That we still associate the comments with them, even after twenty years? Have they passed this on to the next generation?

At a crowded function a couple of weeks ago, I watched one in particular who promoted a 'rich' versus 'poor' class society. Which is funny because Australia is pretty much a classless society in comparison to the Asian sub continent. She wandered about the hall, meeting and greeting people. She would offer her limp hand for her salaams and air kiss women in the same way she did many years ago. I hoped that she has changed and that her children were better people.

One thing I have learnt is that I will not be like them!