The Eastern Man

On the week-end I was reading the paper and came across an article about a vibrant and decisive Syrian actress, Nihad Alaeddin. She'd led a colorful life as a dancer and then actress eventually becoming a writer and director making films criticizing the double standards of the 'eastern man'. She gained a cult following turned her back on the public eye. She was the first Muslim Syrian actress to perform a nude screen in the late 70s. She never felt the need to apologize for it when the Syrian public was outraged. The public demanded an apology but attendance at the screenings were high(wonder why?) then the film became  a box office hit.  In her interview about the 'Eastern man' she says, 'He studies in Europe (or anywhere in the West), but comes back East and returns to his old attitudes. if he could lock up his wife and sister, he would'.

Got me thinking...the Aussie Desi women have similar issues. We have the eastern man study and then stay in the west, he's happy to adopt a lot of things when he's single. But when it's time for marriage he'll fly back home for a bride or if he can't, will marry a local Desi. Then for the rest of his life when he enters his home the western values are left at the doorstep. Inside, he expects the eastern values- the food, language, clothing etc. The Eastern Man reverts back to this(often) and holds onto customs and expectations that don't even exist today in his 'motherland'.

Aussie Desi's always hope for a man who has both east and west values. i know I did. Many moons ago, the dream was to marry a desi who was modern and yet held onto important things like culture, language etc.. What I didn't know was if these things were important to me? Did I know myself well enough to desire and define these qualities? No, these were the hand me down values that we were taught, by our friends, family and the ever present Desi aunties who always seem to catch you in the wrong place and time. The First generation born didn't really develop a way to handle the Desi attitude, we just accepted that what the elders said to be right. Even though we didn't necessarily agree, we stayed quiet. There were a few people who left their families and moved onto to define a different lifestyle. Some parents were really strict, some liberal and others inbetween. Looking around now,  the inbetweens turned out the best. They hung out and did their religious obligations and then enjoyed the luxuries of the west but also got what they wanted. In the late 80s to early 90s, people began to swing against the 'imported husband' scenario and started looking around for local guys. Suddenly at functions you'd see aunties huddled in the corner of a room, pointing out guys and girls, giving a status update of their upcoming 'love marriage'. They would whisper the word 'love' quietly..I'm sure they found this to be outrageous, or perhaps, maybe they had wished they had the option but at the time, I knew a change was coming and it made me smile.It was then, that I knew I was going to join the masses in this radical movement of 1991. I wanted to move away from the lonely trips to Pakistan looking for a suitable 'life partner'. I'd watched so many people do repeat trips to Pakistan without success, I just didn't have the stamina to waive my Australian citizenship around looking for the 'doctor, lawyer. engineer'-in that order. Lastly, but happily, unlike the rest of my family, I wanted to break ranks and not marry my third uncle's son from his first marriage, who's wife’s sister is related to the cousin who owns a house next door to my aunt's house in Islamabad who is the sister of the mother of the guy who has a wheatish complexion and an accounting degree and is now working in Dubai... !